I always find it uncomfortable when people I know give me flattery or compliments.
"Wow! That was great. How did you do that?"
"You are such a nice and caring person."
"You have great ideas in mind."
Most of the time, my initial reactions are to smile, say thanks and stay away.
It must be my paranoid self talking, or better yet my experience proves otherwise. So many times I have met people who are very good in expressing words that can really boost the ego, but eventually frustration sets in when I begin to notice that they feed others such good words because of their selfish ulterior motives. Once I begin to sense this, I always step back and draw a demarcation line.
I got burned not once, not twice, but many times in allowing this kind of people enter my personal space. I don't want to feel like a trash again that when I can no longer be of use, I can be easily disposed. It is sad but true, there are people who will befriend others for their own personal gain. I call them 'flatterers' because of their 'flat' and insincere words that are so deceiving.
However, I don't want to generalise people because it is unfair. There are people who give compliments because they really appreciate others with utmost sincerity. They are the people I call 'lifters' because they can inspire others to do better... they can make others feel important... they can make others feel secured. They have no hidden agenda in their complimenting actions because they just love others for who they are with no strings attached.
Now, how do we know a 'flatterer' from a 'lifter'?
Try to read the fable and focus on the character of the fox.
THE FOX AND THE CROW
One day, a hungry fox saw a crow sitting on branch of a tree with a piece of cheese in its beak.
“You are the prettiest crow I have ever seen,” said the fox.
“I wish you would sing a song. A bird with lonely feathers always has a sweet voice, and it is a very long time since I heard any fine music.”
The silly crow was so proud at being asked to sing that she opened her mouth to sing, and the piece of cheese fell to the ground. The clever fox snapped it up and said to himself as he walked away, “I said she was beautiful but I did not say she was wise.”
source: Aesop’s Fable
What characteristics can you see from the fox? Isn't the fox an epitome of a flatterer? Now, here's the catch:
'Flatterers' have a very charismatic personality. They are lovable. They are friendly. Once they give you attention, you cannot resist because there is something in them that makes you like and adore them. You will really feel good when you are with them. But then again, this show of flattery never lasts because it is never genuine in the first place.
'Flatterers' leave once they get what they want and then move on to the next target. They are like parasites leaving the host feeling drained and useless.
On the other hand, 'Lifters' are those who keep on believing in others despite shortcomings and imperfections. They do the gestures not for themselves but for others to believe in themselves as well. They don't mind the tiny specs on the canvass, but see the whole painting as a whole and appreciate it.
It takes time and circumstances to know a flatterer from a lifter. So, we should be keen in dealing with others and making friends.
That's life and life's like that.
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