2010: SOMETHING TO START WITH...

Whenever New Year comes, I make myself busy doing chores like cleaning my room and rearranging almost anything. I like the taste of change. This makes me feel good and think of great possibilities to come. It’s like feeling refreshed to start anew.

This year not only my room needs a make over but my personal life as well. This time, I want to focus on the past instead of the usual future. I know that there are things from the past that I need to reconnect with so that I know where I am headed in the future.

This year I vow to...

REKINDLE TIES

For more than half a decade, I have failed to get in touch with many people who in some way have become a part of my personal circle. There are many reasons and excuses that I can enumerate, but now is not the time to rationalize for not being around. I want to know how they have been for the past years. I know that there will be a lot of good old stories to tell and new stories to update.
I can’t wait to meet them again.

HEAL WOUNDS

I want to make amends to those people whom I have wronged, hurt and caused pain. I want to embrace them and ask for forgiveness. And for those who have scarred me, I want to come face to face with them and say thank you for whatever it was that they have done, it made me a stronger and better person. I want to patch things up to lighten the burden and let go of the unwanted baggages.
I can’t wait to smile with them.

RECAPTURE THE PAST

I want to go back to the time when happiness abounds. I want to be a kid again. Of course, it is not something possible in reality, but bringing back the child in me will make me enjoy the simple blessings that I have at the moment. As I grow in years, I notice that I tend to become more critical, hard to please and discontented. I want to revive the child in me so that life won’t be that complicated.
I can't wait to have fun again.


I still want to do more for this year, but let me take it slowly.I cannot do a lot of things at one time so I will take these steps one at a time. .. I am hopeful I will get there and eventually before this year ends, I will finally move forward to a better future.

fight or flight?

Fear is an emotion. It is something embedded in the system of complex organisms like humans. There is fear when we feel that our survival is threatened. Naturally it can push us to either fight or flight.

GET UP AND FIGHT. HAVE NO FEAR!

Before, I could not sleep with lights off. It was during my younger years when my imagination was still very active. I could feel goosebumps as I would imagine white ghosts and the Boogeyman out to get me in my room. So just for these lucid imaginations to go away, I would sleep with lights on.

Then, a time came when I had to stay in a boarding house near the university where I was studying. I had no choice because my home was thousand miles away from my school. I happened not to be alone in the room and I really had to adjust with different personalities in the boarding house. Unfortunately, my room mate could not sleep with lights on. We were completely opposite and that was just one of them. It was really a torture every night. So many times I had to convince myself those creatures did not exist. There were many sleepless nights just to fight the fear of sleeping in dim light. Eventually, I got it over with.

Sometimes it is best to fight the fear otherwise we will be its slave.It doesn't take overnight to win the battle against fear, but it takes time. We must persevere and endure to conquer fear.

RUN... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

There are people who would say that only a coward runs away. They consider it as an easy way out and running doesn't get the fear away. By doing so, we make ourselves a laughing stock and a lesser being in the face of others.But I want to look at the other side of the spectrum.

I believe that not everything is worth the fight and sometimes we have to run away to keep us alive. If we realize that we are really on the losing end, why should we still gamble or risk? It is better not to make a drastic move. Sometimes the best strategy is to run away.

I was just a small kid then when got into a fight.There were quite a number of them against me. It started with the teasing and bullying so I tried to hit back. When I realised that there were many of them, I ran away. I didn't want to end up beaten up. I told myself that there would be another time to get back at them. After some days when everything cooled down, a hard fight never materialised but rather a truce between me and them. It ended positively. The act of running away served me in a good way.

I think I have run a lot of times in my life. But, I don't regret because it made me survive. It made me who I am - a stronger person

cleaning up time

Last Sunday, my two-week holiday started and I decided not to travel like the previous holidays. I was certain to spend the entire vacation at home. I knew that boredom would get in the way so I diverted my attention on house errands that must be done.

Then, I noticed that my room needed a total clean up. It was in a clutter. So I grabbed a duster, a broom, and a mop. From the ceiling to the walls and on the floor, I tidied them all up. I did rearrange my shelves, table, cupboard, and bed. I swapped the places of my television, speakers, computer, printer, microwave, mirror, and bags. After some hours, my room was spic and span and had a new look. It really made a difference because I felt more comfortable. Then, I promised myself to do a regular general cleaning so that mess wouldn’t pile up again.

When I was throwing the tons of rubbish that I collected from my room, I felt relieved because I finally got the time to get rid of them. Maybe, I just needed a perfect time or maybe I just needed the right mood for cleaning up.

After that, I went back to my room checking every inch. I smiled. I began to realise that I should also try to clean up my personal mess so I would also feel more comfortable with myself and others around me. I sighed, “If it were only as easy as cleaning the room.”

Then introspection set in…

“For the past years, I know that I have been harbouring anger, resentments, regrets, guilt, envy, ill-feelings, and pride deep within me. They have caused a lot of mess in my personal life. Actually, the dirt has already left stains and sadly, it will take some time to remove. But, I think I should take the first step anyway until everything gets cleaned up. I know it is more than a room, but I want to feel a clutter-free heart. I want to sleep peacefully. I want to move freely. I want to laugh out loud. I want to be in my good old self again. ”

Now, the cleaning goes on…

alone time

Many people dread to be alone. Maybe it is because of the deafening silence that goes with it or maybe the absence of someone to talk to is something unbearable. There are many “maybes”, but let me think otherwise.

There was a time I had to make a very important decision in my career path. There were so many advices, both solicited and unsolicited, coming from different people. They told me to do this and do that, but still deep within me, something was not certain. Then, for almost a week I went into hibernation mode. I spent most of my time in silence and being in places all by myself. I don’t know what happened, but after sometime I gained clarity in thinking. My thoughts were no longer shrouded by cobwebs and I finally made a stand for my final decision. I am not saying I made the a perfect decision, but I felt a sense of strength that I could pull through whatever consequences were on the way. Sometimes, it pays being alone.

I had a very busy year way back in 1999. I had a new job and I couldn’t see a blank space on my schedule board. It was tiring yet fun. I was everywhere. Almost every day I got to blend in with people from all walks of life. My mobile phone was ringing from time to time, my beeper kept on buzzing and my planner was always full of meetings, appointments, workshops, seminars and rehearsals. There was even a time I had 72 hours of non-stop work. After that, I went home and slept for 24 hours straight. I turned off my beeper and mobile. For five days, I cut myself to the world. I stayed in my room and spent the time being alone without disturbance. Of course, I went back to work, but the experience made me feel recharged. Sometimes work and other people can be tiresome and a short period of solitude can make the exhaustion go away.


During my quiet moments, I don’t really have a ritual. I just let my imagination flow while listening to music. I stop thinking of complicated thoughts while watching a funny movie. I sketch and draw a lot of things. And most especially, I sleep soundly.

Now, I always look forward to my “alone time” every now and then. It is my way of meditation. It is my way of building a strong self. It is my way of being my true self. It is in fact a relaxation, the most affordable way.

chicken soup

It has been a long while since I posted my last entry. I became too preoccupied with my work and I had no computer to use during my free time. Worse than that, I felt really sick. In fact, I still have my colds as I type this entry.

While I was at the peak of my sickness, many of my concerned friends gave me advices on what to do and how to deal with my condition. Someone texted me to drink lots of water... a former work colleague told me to take a rest. Then my housemate reminded me to take my medicine.

But there is this one advice that made me feel better... a chicken soup.

I don't know what is with chicken soup but it never fails. The warmth and comfort it brings can really make someone get well. Just the aroma of it gives a soothing feeling. It helped me get through that rough day of feeling weak.

Sometimes it is a wonder how a simple chicken soup can do all the healing work.

reformatting life

The other week my laptop was not working properly. It was difficult for me to get network coonection whenever I use my mobile phone as a modem. This was not the usual case so I really thought there was a problem. The worst scenario was it shuts down on its own. The only solution I had was to consult my friend who is an expert in computer (I am totally clueless about repair and troubleshooting). Then, he told me that my laptop possibly got a worm that blocks my connections. He examined my laptop further. After some hours, he explained to me all these blah blah blah, and I said, "Ah, yes. OK." Still, I was pretending to understand. Finally, he gave a strong recommendation: REFORMAT THE COMPUTER

What??!! He gave me no other choice.

After that, all data and information are gone and I felt like I was starting anew. My laptop is again running smoothly.Then, I wondered what if we can also reformat our lives and begin a new path as if nothing ever happened.Is it possible?

Nah, here I go again... But I think I have a point. There are others out there who would do anything to erase the past and have a fresh start. Those who have made terrible mistakes, those who have been hurt, those who have failed numerous times, those who are emotionally wounded, those who are caught in dilemmas, and those who are entangled in the web of life.

Sadly, Reformatting our lives is not possible at the moment (Who knows?). The things we experienced from the past will continue to play a role in who we are at present. They can never be erased and gone. They have become a part of ourselves.

I believe many have tried to reformat themselves but still the past keeps on haunting and chasing them. We cannot just delete and forget because there are just memories that are engraved inside our system. No matter how much we try, there is no way... So we just have to think of something else.

Another thought popped into my mind...

If there is no way to reformat ourselves, then what about a way to EVOLVE into something new and grand. What do you think?

breaking the cycle

We are living in a new age where there are so many tasks to do and people are so preoccupied with a lot of concerns. Despite all of these, there are still who feel bored. Not because their senses are not stimulated enough, but life has turned out to be a mere routine.

I must confess that I, from time to time, feel the boredom from work, relationships, and sometimes myself. Even though I'm not doing a lot of tasks I feel exhausted and this is my signal that my life is starting to get boring. So, what do I do? I start to become more unpredictable and I try do actions that can break the cycle.

What have I done so far?

1. The other day, I felt that my morning routine was already quite dull. Every morning, I wake up from bed, get my smoke and coffee, take a bath, fix my things, go to the workplace and that's it, the same steps happen from Monday to Thursday and Friday. Now, I still wake up in the morning, smoke, drink coffee, take a bath and fix my things to school. So what's the difference now? What did I change? Did I really break the cycle? Actually, I just added a new ingredient in my routine and that is cooking my breakfast. Usually I don't have the appetite in the morning, but whenever I cut my meal at night, I sure have the appetite in the morning. It also prevents me from oversleeping as it gives me the urge to get up because I'm hungry.Before I sleep, I now look forward to what I'll be preparing the following day. It was quite a change, but still a change to break the monotony of my morning life.

2. I felt that my physical image became so "the same" for the past months. I have been wearing the same clothes and the same look. Without much thinking, I went to a barber shop and had my head shaved. The following day, I felt different because people at work was shocked by what I did. I did not care whether the new hairdo was good or not, but the thing is, I stirred up their minds that morning. I gave them a new sight to behold.

3. I travel whenever I feel that the place where I am staying is becoming too familiar. I try to go to a new place as much as possible. Have you tried taking a bus going to a place you have never been to? That is one hell of an adventure. But make sure you take extra caution with you. learn how to read the surroundings.

4. Aside from travelling or hitchhiking, I usually rearrange things in the house or in my room. It gives me a feeling of having a new place to start anew. Cleaning is also my therapy for boredom. Cleaning comes with rearranging things. It does not only feed my obssessive compulsive behaviour, but it makes me feel good after I see my room free of clutter.

There are many other ways to break the cycle of a flatlined life... It takes a bit of courage to get away from the usual and a dash of child like mental attitude to enjoy a new adventure that awaits.

After sometime, things will become monotonous again, but dare to break it because there are so many things we can do, we just have to think about it.

on decision making

We are faced with so many decisions and there are times we are confused on which way to take. Actions are needed to move further. Whether we like it or not, we have to make a stand and decide.

Whatever our decision is, in the end we need to ask ourselves a question: IS IT WORTH IT? We may take the road most people travel or the road less people travel, but when this whole journey is over... then it is only ourselves who can say if it was worth our while.

Think about it!

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And I looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I should be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

gratitude in action

Sometimes we fail to appreciate the good things that come our way and even those we already have. We tend to look at what others have and wish that we also have the same. I guess it is part of human nature so that we can continue to strive and work harder to achieve what we want. But let us not forget, sometimes we have better without us knowing it. It just needs a few minutes of introspection to go deep down ourselves and start to be a little bit more appreciative.

Looking at the blessings we possess can make us feel better and more confident of ourselves. Apart from that, it can be a start of becoming more understanding and giving to others. It can be said that the first step to being grateful is appreciating what we have. So, let us begin a simple act of self-appreciation.

THINK ABOUT THIS:

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness,
You are more blessed than the millions who won’t survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation,
You are ahead of 20 million people around the world.

If you have food on your table, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep,
You are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and even a just a spare change,
You are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you can read this message,
You are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read anything at all.

If you can hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful,
You are blessed because majority can, but most do not.

YOU ARE BLESSED IN WAYS YOU MAY NEVER EVEN KNOW.

build walls

The chameleons can change colors to protect them from predators.
The octopus can squirt dark to escape from enemies.
The kangaroos have tail not only for balance but weapon as well.
Animals have these defense mechanism all because of survival.
All wanting to stay alive... All wanting not to get hurt in the process and be eaten up alive... All wanting security and preservation of their kind.

Humans have defenses, too. There are times when we feel that the world outside is harsh, we build walls not to feel rejection. There are times that we feel other people exploit us, we build walls so that we would be stubborn enough not to feel anything. We have varied reasons why we build walls...But don't you think sometimes we have to break our own walls for a change?


BUILD WALLS

I build walls:
Walls that protect,
Walls that shield,
Walls that say I shall not yield
Or reveal
Who I am or how I feel.
I build walls:
Walls that hide,
Walls that cover what’s inside,
Walls that stare or smile or look away,
Silent lies,
Walls that even block my eyes
From the tears I might have cried.
I build walls:
Walls that never let me
Truly touch
Those I love so very much.
Walls that need to fall!
Walls meant to be fortresses
Are prisons after all.

if life is a coffee...

Have you noticed why most people (I write: MOST) feel tired, stressed out and burned out despite the fact that we enjoy the benefits of comfortable living because of technological advancements?

Personally, I was not an exemption to this case. I was one of those people who always would feel unsatisfied and exhausted whenever troubles come into my life.I often asked myself why, but there were no answers. Only until I had a social immersion in one of the poorest places that I finally began my enlightenment.

Well, sometimes we really forget the core of our purpose of living and that our thinking is clouded by the materialism and physical appearance. Let me quote the little Prince as a reminder, "What is essential is invisible to the eye."

No, I did not become a perfect person after that, but at least the ranting lessened. That i finally vowed to a simple living - that is having only what is necessary for my life. When there are times I forget, I am reminded by this short story that my friend sent me through e-mail. I think you will also find it very familiar. Enjoy reading and contemplating. Here it goes:

If life is a coffee...

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old University of Notre Dame lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."

"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it." Cups for Coffee?

make it happen

It has always been a tradition that once the new year kicks off everybody is up and about making plans as to what must be accomplished for the entire year. As for me, I have never failed in listing down my goals every beginning of the year may they be small or big ones. The idea of setting goals makes me feel that I’m on the right track and prepared to hurdle the challenges in life the whole year round. This is not to brag, but I already consider myself a guru in the art of planning and setting goals, so let me help you in making yours.

First and foremost, you make sure that what you want is something realistic. Setting goals that are impossible to achieve is like chasing rainbow in the sky. It will just consume your time and effort achieving nothing in the end. An example of a realistic goal is something that you can really do like losing weight, getting better marks in school, joining a sports club, or even taking some time out with family members. It should be something within your premise that once you put your heart and mind to it, you can achieve it.

Aside from being realistic, you have to bear in mind that your goals must be clear and specific. Otherwise, at the end of the line you will be confused as to whether you have really achieved your goals or not. You don’t just say, “I want to do good in school this year.” What do you mean by doing “good”? Is it in terms of behaviour or academic performance? If it is about your academic standing, then what specific mark do you aspire? Would it just be a pass, a credit or a distinction? If you do not set standards that are specific and clear, It is most likely difficult to evaluate by the end of the year whether you made it or not.

Now that you are enlightened, you must not forget other ingredients that make goals worth pursuing. Having positive goals is one because there is a saying that what goes around comes around. If you think and do positive then it is a sure thing that positive results will come back to you. Another thing is that goals must have a time frame. If you are planning on putting on weight, then you should consider the number of months you target to get it done. This is to avoid cramming and frustration before the year ends. To top it all, bear in mind that all the goals you want to accomplish must be within your interests and capabilities. If not, all of these are doom to fail.

Goal setting is a sweat-free task, but the hardest part is making all these goals come to life. Action is vital to pursuing what we want. The question is: Are you ready to take on the challenge? Only those with chultz pa and determination get to the end of the line. You’ll get there if you think you can. So, Go for it! Make it happen.

moving on

A new year has started so we let bygones be bygones. But some things don’t easily go away especially if it is a painful one. Sometimes we pretend that we finally get it over with so we can make others and much worse ourselves believe we are A OK. It is true that sometimes the smiles we wear are actually inverted deep inside. We cover it up no matter how long we want to, but there will really come a time that we just have to let go. There is no other choice but to move on…

Moving on while keeping our broken pieces together is no big joke. Yes, it takes much strength to carry on but more than anything else is having the patience to allow time run through its course of healing.






LOOKING BACK

We meet significant people as we head on with our life’s journey. We welcome them into our inner circle and eventually we become attached to them. After some time, we embrace them as an integral part of ourselves. Little do we know that someday the whole would fall apart. Now, pain comes in the way.

EXPERIENCING THE PAIN

It is never without a doubt that there is pain in every separation or break up. It aches to feel the reality of losing a great piece of who we are and much more if it is coupled with the hope that maybe, just maybe, things are going to be back the way it was.

REGENERATING THE SELF

Then, affliction intensifies as healing starts. Gradually, the body gets numb and succumbs to the natural process of reparation. This is the time we let it all go and signal a total surrender. It is when we feel helpless that our soul begins to nurture us and give us strength to move on until we finally regain the broken piece that was once lost. Finally, we are once again whole.

REMEMBERING A LESSON LEARNED

Only time can tell as to when we are fully recovered. Oftentimes the experience leaves a scar that reminds us of what we have been through. It is an indelible mark of a lesson in life learned first hand from experience. It will make us more afraid but it will gain us more wisdom in life.

personal sanctuary

I have heard this metaphor a gazillion times that life is a journey. And I deeply believe that it is and we are all travelers in this world.

The moment we are born we start the very first step of our life-long voyage towards whatever path ahead of us, may it be chosen or fate. So we trod, walk and sometimes run or even climb. How many steps have we taken so far? Are we there yet? Some are lost, others are determined to walk further and there are travelers who are taking their time and just strolling by.

Along the way we get tired and exhausted. When this happens we think of a place where we can feel recharged, rejuvenated and redefined – that place is our sanctuary. In our life we find our sanctuaries mostly in places we go to when we have concerns, problems, and unresolved issues. Whatever or wherever these sanctuaries are, it is important we have one. We need to have one otherwise it is impossible to walk further for another day.

As I have said, it is very important that we know our sanctuaries. These are the places where we can find security and comfort when we retreat from life's battles. These are the places that give us clarity, serenity and warmth. If we can’t find one, it would be like a suicide walking astray without direction and purpose.

Personally speaking, I can say that the sea is my personal sanctuary. Whenever I feel like clearing my mind I find myself walking along the beach. The vista is calming and the wind is like an embrace so comforting. I am free to talk to myself, I am free to express my self, I am free! After some hours of spending time with the sea, I go back to my usual life ready to face another day. I know now that when something is bothering me, the sea is just around the corner to comfort me.

What about you? Have you visited your sanctuary lately?

just a positive thought

Surviving in this contemporary world we live in, it is inevitable that from time to time we get exhausted and burnt out because of the many preoccupations we engage in, significant or trivial they may be. So, we find ways to heal our battered spirits and regain our lost energy. Personally speaking, times like these, I resort to a lot of things from sleeping, eating, traveling, writing, sketching, listening to music, watching a feel-good movie to almost anything that I feel like would help me get rid of the sense of being worn out. Some of these are helpful enough, but costly.

Lately, I have tried something that did not even cost a penny. What is that ‘miracle drug’? It is not even a miracle. It is just a simple habit of appreciating things around. Dwelling on the negativism won’t help, so there is no choice but to look at the bright side of life. Be Positive! I know it is a cliché but it works. I know there is an infinite list of things to complain about, but many of them are just a waste of energy. When we get to have a positive attitude and live life simply, then I guess there will be less burden in life, what do you think?

If there is a saying, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, well I have this saying:
An inspiring thought a day keeps negative energy away.

So, let’s all just be simple and positive no matter what. Let’s all live and look well to this day.

Look Well to This Day
Anonymous, 50 B.C.

Look well to this day,
For it and it alone is life.
In its brief course
Lie all the essence of your existence:
The Glory of Growth
The Satisfaction of Achievement
The Splendor of Beauty
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is but a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.